Each week, your local YWCA Child Care Resource and Referal center offers the tip of the week. Check back each week for more tips on helping you and your children have a better and stronger life. Contact the YWCA at 419-225-5465
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11 MY KIDS FIGHT
Its; hard to listen to kids fight. Parents feel frustrated, angry and often helpless. They feel irritated because the have to decide when to ignore fighting and when to try to stop it. What can adults do to help?
* Set a good example. Try not to fight with other adults in front o fthe kids. It is very hard on children. Do not hir your children or anyone else when you are angry.
* Do not compare kids to eachother. Comparisons make kids feel as if they are competing against each other. A child is more likely to pick fights if he feels he is not as good as an other child.
* When children are arguing, ignore it as mch as possible. If you apy attention to arguing, kids learn they can hook you into their problems. Let them learn to solve their own problems.
*If kids are hitting each other, stop it. You can say, "We dont hurt one another".
* It is not a good idea to try to find out how ta fight started or who started it. Each one will blame the other, if necessary, seperate the fighters for a few minutes.
* Let the kids say their feelings. These are NORMAL and will not go away because you say you dont want to hear them. Let kids know their feelings are OK but hitting someone is not.
* Give kids permission to do something safe to get their angry feelings out. For example, they can hit a pillow. Thye need to learn to get anger our in ways that do not hurt someone or damage something.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3RD REPORT CARD TIME
When a child brings home a report card, it can be very stressful for both the child and the parent. Children want to do well in school. Parents want the best for their kids, and know that good work at school can often mean a better life later. Many children who get poor report cards feel bad about thmselves. They wish they were doing better. These kids often fear that parents will feel angry and will punish them. Some kids who get pretty good report cards still worry that no matter how good the report card is, its not good enough for the parents.
How can parents help at Report Card time?
* Sit down alone with your child to talk about the report card. Taking quiet time to talk about it says its more important and that you care. If you have more than one child, talk with each of them alone.
*Ask your child to tell you about his or her effort. Young children need to be praised for trying. They can learn that trying harder usually leads to better grades.
* Ask your child to talk about each grade, good or bad. Listen to your child without interrupting. When they are done, plaise good effort and good grades.
* If you are disappointed or angry about the grade report, remember that the report belongs to the child, not you. They already feel disappointed and upset, and needs to hear your support and willingness to help, not your anger. Find something good to say, even if it is about a few absences or not tardies.
*ASK YOUR CHILD HOW YOU CAN HELP. FOR CLASSES IN WHICH YOUR CHILD IS DOING POORLY, ARRANGE TO SEE THE TEACHER. TAKE THE CHILD WITH YOU, TALK ABOUT HOW THE TEACHER, PARENT AND CHILD CAN WORK TOWARD BETTER EFFORT AND GRADES.
* If your child is doing well but is unhappy about not being perfect, point out that nobody is perfect and its not good for kids to feel as if they must get all A's.
* Have the child set one goal for the next grading period. If marks are given for effort, set a goal related to effort rather than grades. For instance, effort in math will improve from "little" to "normal". If the goal is set for a grade, think about a fair expectation. For instance, a child is more likely to scceed trying to go from a "C-" to a "C+" than trying to go from a "C" to an "A". For a child who is doing well in school, the goal may be to maintain the same good effort.
* Decide on a reward if the child meets the goal at the next grading period. Try to give the child extra time with you rather than money or things. Rewards may include a morning with you at the park, having a friend overnight, getting a video from the library to watch together, etc.
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28TH MY CHILD STUTTERS
Stuttering can lead to bad feelings for both children and parents. Children who stutter a lot often feel frustrated. Parents feel embarrassed about the stuttering and annoyed if they cant understand what the child is saying. It is normal for kids to repeat words, or to hesitate when they talk. Some children have more trouble than others. Stuttering is the most common among 2-7 year olds. Three of the reasons for stuttering are:
* The child is trying to say new words and longer sentences
* The child is nervous and is afraid to talk
* The child feels pressure to change the speed of their talking
Some children stutter a lot when they feel upset or excited. Some kids outgrow stuttering. Other chidlren cant help their habbit and its a good idea to take the child to a speech language pathologist for advice.
Adults can help a child who stutters by being patient. Encourage the child to talk. Listen to the child without interrupting or correcting what she or he says. Do not imitate the child, either to show them what it sounds like or to discipline the child. Do not punish the child for stuttering. These things just make the child feel worse, and the stuttering ususally continues.Let the child know what they are saying is very important. Praise the child when they speak clearly and for toher things the child does well.
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 21ST TATTLING - WHAT SHOULD I DO
Its normal for a parent to feel frustrated about ttattling. Its hard to know what to do when kids tattle. When a child tells a parent something, the parent has to decide if what the child is saying is important or is tattling. If it is about the safety of the children, parents should pay attention. Examples are: "Terry is playing with matches" or "Wendy put the cat in the toilet." If it seems to be tattling ("Justin called me a bad name"), parents feel frustrated about what to do.
It is important to listen to what your children are saying. if they know you usually listen to them, they are more likely to accept it when you say you dont like to hear them tattling. Tattling is the most common among children 5-10 years old.
* Some kids tattle to get approval. They may be saying "What shes doing is bad, Im not doing it so Im good, right? They need to know an adult loves them.
*Many children tattle to show you they know the rules, or the difference between right and wrong.
* Some children tattle to see what happens when somone doesnt follow the rules.
*Some kids tattle because they want attention from adults. Ask yourself if you are spending enough time with your children each and every day.
*Lots of kids tattle because they are angry and want to get someone in trouble. Sometimes they are angry because a child will not play with them. Sometimes its because they are not getting their way and they want you to do something about the situation they are in.
Its a good idea NOT ot get roped into the tattling game. If the information is not important, or seems to be given just to get someone else in trouble, ignore the tattling. or you may say "I dont like tattling" or "That doesnt seem to be any of my business." The exception is if someone is getting hurt.
If there is hitting, biting or kicking going on, STOP IT. If property is being damaged, stop it. Remind kids that feeling like hitting is OK, but doing is not. If they cant work their problems, seperate them for a short time. Teach your children the difference between important messages and tattling.
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13TH KIDS AND TELEVISION
Kids like television because it has pictures, sound and action. Shows like "Sesame Street" can help children lean letters, numbers, colors, words and how things work. Children can see adults and kids having fun and solving problems together. Sometimes parents like TV just because it gets kids out of the way.
On the other hand, TV can have a bad effect on kids. Some children see people hitting or shooting others on TV and think because its on TV, it must be okay. Even cartoon characters often fo mean things to each other.
Ads on TV can also have a bad influence on kids. They may affect what the children want to eat, for example, by saying that sugar cereals are great. Commercials can also make kids more demanding about wanting parents to buy toys and other things for them. Explain to children that TV ads are made to get people to buy the things shown. Talk with them about what you think is true and what you do not agree with.
Its is best to set the rules for TV watching when a child is very young.
* Set a good example. Do not leave the TV turned on all the time. Turn it on for certain programs and then turn it off. That teaches kids to do the same thing.
* Watch TV with your kids when you can. Explain to them the difference between what is pretend and what is real. Tell them what you agree with and what you do not approve of.
* Pick educational programs that match the age of the child. Try not to let them watch soap operas or nighttime TV made for adults
* Avoid using TV as a baby-sitter. Kids get the idea you think watching TV is a good thing for them to do when its really on just to get them out of the way.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30TH FEEDING PROBLEMS
From the time when a baby is born, feeding and eating times should be relaxed, happy times. When they arent both the child and the parent feel unhappy.
Feeding is one way in which babies are each different, so how can we help?
* Some babies drink or eat fast, some seem to take forever. Try not to rush the baby who drinks or ets slowly. He is just going at his own pace.
* Some babies can only hold a couple of ounces at a time. They need to be fed often. Be patient, do not urge a baby to drink longer if he seems to be full.
* It should not be necessary to feed a full term infant more than every 2 hours. Most weant and need to be fed at least every 5 hours.
* You may worry if your baby seems hungry all the time. If so, keep track of how often and how much your baby gets. Then ask your doctor for advice.
* When you start giving cereal and other solid baby food to your baby, introduce one new food at a time. Then wait a week before starting another new food. That way, you will know if the baby likes the selection or not. You will also learn if he has a bad reaction to it or not.
* If there is a food your baby doesnt like, dont worry or force it. No one food is required for good health. Even babies have a right to refuse food once in a while. Try again in a month
* Never force a baby to finish a bottle or food. Your baby is really smart about how much to eat.
* If the baby is very hungry, do not try to give cereal or other food first. He will just feel frustrated. Give the baby who is very hungry a little formula first. Then food and finish with more to drink. He will like this much better.
* Try not to put your baby to bed with a bottle. Doing this can cause cavities.
* A baby or toddler has appetites that can change quickly. At about one year of age, a childs appetite usually goes down. From then on a child may be really hungry one day and only a little hungry the next day. Be patient
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16TH WHEN MY CHILD INTERRUPTS
Few things bother a parent as much as a child who constantly interrupts when the parent is talking on the phone or with others. Young children pull at your clothes or whine. Its hard for them to wait. Older children sometimes interrupt when they want permission to do something.
* Paying attention to children is important. Answering kids questions is also important. However, children of all ages need to learn that interrupting is not polite.
* You can avoid the frustration of interruptions by toddlers if you make phone calls or plan visits when they are napping or are busy playing where you can see them. During times they do try to interrupt, it can help to hold a childs hand or rub her back while you finish talking. That tell the child you know she is there and wants your attention.
*Star teaching children 3-4 years old that "Daddy is talking and you are interrupting". Dont make them wait long because thats not something they do well. When they do wait, even for a mometn, tell them you are proud of them. Praise for good behavior works best.
*With older children, talk with them about how frustrating their interrupting is. Decide with them how to solve the problem. Some parents decide its OK for kids to hand them a note with a question on it (May I gfo out to play?) when the parent is on the phone, for example. Kids can make yes and no boxes where you check your answer.
*SET A GOOD EXAMPLE. KIds often copy the way adults around them act. Are you an interrupter? Try not to interrupt when your children are talking with friends or are busy with an activity. If you need to interrupt them or anyone else, say, excuse me. Kids learn by example.
*If interrupting continues to be a problem, have kids help decide what a fair solution is. Sometimes for the older kids, it means loss of their phone provileges or no visits from friends for a day or two.
*Set aside time daily for your children. During this time, give them your full attention. When children know they will have special time with a parent, they are less likely to interrupt when the parent is doing something else.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 8TH DIVORCE: THE PART TIME PARENT
Divorce is painful for everyone in a family. Parents and children feel a great loss when divorce happens in their home. Parents often feel guilt, angry or sad. It is normal for the parent who moves out to miss the children. Sometimes it is hard on both the parent and the child to settle into a new routine.
For the parent who has the children on the weekends or a few days a month, these suggestions may help:
- Keep things as normal as possible. Have a few important limits and rules and stick to them.
- Try to keep regular mealtimes and bedtimes. Ask the other parent about routines, rules and limits. It helps if these are about the same at both places. Its not fair to the kids or to the other parent to feed kids whatever they want or send them home worn out.
- If you can, set aside a room or a space for kids to keep their things. Let them decorate it. Have them each keep a toothbrush in the bathroom. Let them leave pajamas and a few clothing items if they want. These things help the kids feel more secure that you are staying in their lives.
- Have juds jeeo a few coloring books, games, records, books or other things they enjoy at your place. Do not entertain them all the time. They need to learn to use their own time well.
- Do not try to buy your child by giving lots of gifts. Time and attention are more important.
- If your child visits often, give them at least one chore. Each parent needs to give kids responsibility if children are to learn to do their share.
- Do not say mean or bad things about the other parent. Do not pump them for informations about waht things are like when they are with the other parent. For a teenager, asking something as simple as "How are things at home"? This may feel as if you are intruding. Children love both their parents and want to be loyal to both.
- Remember you kids on special days. If you cant be with them, send cards for Valentines Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving as well as birthdays and other holidays.
- The most important thing to do is LET YOUR KIDS TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS. Let them say how they feel about the divorce. Ask them to talk about their feelings about school and about their friends. Share your feelings with them. Its OK to tell them that you feel angry or sad or scared. That tells them that their feelings are OK too!
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2ND DIVORCE: TELLING THE CHILDREN
Divorce is hard on everyone in a family. Parents and Kids may both feel angry, sad, guilty, or scared. Children usually know their parents are not happy. They may feel confulsed about what is going on. One of the hardest things for parents to do is tell the children. The best thing to do is to be hinest from the very start.
Children need to be told about the divorce before it ever happens. Young kids will have to be told more than once. Telling them helps prepare them for the time when one parent leaves. Young children need to be told in words they can understand. You dont have to give lots of details. Sometimes just telling them that mommy and daddy arent happy living together anymore is enough.
If possibly, parents should sit down togetehr to tell their children about a divorce. Parents have to set aside angry feelings toward eachother long enough to do this. It helps kids feel as if both parents are going to stay in their lives. It also helps children feel as if they are getting the whole story.
SUGGESTIONS FOR TELLING KIDS ABOUT A DIVORCE:
-Tell the kids the divorce is not their fault. Children often feel they are the ones to blame
-Tell them that both parents love them and that mommy and daddy will still be their parents
-Try not to say mean things about the other parent. Children want to be loyal to both parents.
-Let the children tell you about their feelings. Sometimes telling children you feel scared or sad or angry helps tehm tell you how they are feeling.
-Explain that mom and dad will be living in different places. Tell the children where they will be living. If possible, tell them when each parent will spend time with them.
-Explain that the divorce is final. Some children spend a lot of time hoping their parents will be together again.
-Watch for signs that the kids are having a hard time with divorce. A young child may wet the bed, or may cry often. He may start biting, hitting, or fighting more. Teenagers often become sad and moody. They may steal or lie as a way of letting you know they feel angry and hurt. Sit and talk with your children. Hug them, decide if going to a family counselor might help.
-Plan time with the kids doing things you both enjoy. Make an extra effort to have grandparents and friends spend time with the children. Doing this can give you time you need for yourself and special time for them.
Children of all ages feel a great loss when divorce happens in their home. Even when parents cannot work things out with eachother, children need to know that parents love them. Spend time with your children!
